Persuasive Writing - Why we should fix our field

We have been having a go at writing a piece of persuasive writing. Here is my piece of writing of why we should fix our field.

Title A Short Statement about the topic. eg. ‘Rugby League Is A Great Sport’	Fix Our Field!
Overview/ Statement of position A brief statement of your view about the topic.  What you believe or want to argue.	I strongly believe that we should fix our field! My reasons are that we need the field for space to play on. We need it for training for sports events, and so we can use it all year long. We also need it because we are all so crowded.  Finally we need it so we can keep fit.
Series of Arguments Reasons Your points supporting your view about the topic.  Your arguments to support your statement and information to support these arguments. Remember -argument -supporting detail, reasons, examples	Firstly, we should fix our whira (field) because it takes up a lot of our space to play on. I think we need more space to play on because we are all crowded on the playground and the court. There is also a very strong risk of getting an injury because you could get hit by a ball or bat.
	Secondly, I think we need our field fixed so we can train for  taputapu tākaro  (sports) events. If we don’t get our field fixed we can not train and we won’t get good at our sports. For example we have Rippa rugby coming up and we need to train.
	Thirdly, I believe we need our field fixed so we can use it. We have not been able to play on our field much because it has to be so muddy. All our events can’t happen  because of the field being out. For example we are not having our gala this   year.
	Finally, we need our field to keep fit.  A way for us to keep fit is (whati) running around and hīanga (playing.) At the moment there is not much space to run around on.
Concluding statement Summing it up.  A summary of your arguments and your view on the topic.	In conclusion we need to fix our field because we are all crowded on the court, so we can train for taputapu tākaro (sports) events, it is always muddy and finally we need more space.  This is why we need to get our field fixed.  FIX OUR FIELD!!